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ABC NEWS
INTERVIEWS STYBEL PEABODY LINCOLNSHIRE ON THE EMOTIONAL REACTIONS TO
TERMINATION Job Search Blues Getting Laid Off Is Tough,
Sept. 7 — More than 1.1 million people have been laid off so far
this year. That's almost the entire population of Idaho. And with the economy in
the doldrums, that number shows no signs of slowing. So if you've been or
think you're about to be laid off, the experts say it's just as important to
deal with the emotional impact of this loss as the financial. The
Stages of Grieving
Losing your job may not
be the end of the world, but getting laid off can have the same psychological
impact on you as losing someone close to you. Many employment consultants say
those who have lost their jobs experience stages of grieving similar to the
ones people go through after a loved one has died. These stages, popularized
by psychologist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, include a wave of emotions that run
from shock and denial to anger, bargaining, depression and finally,
acceptance. They key to weathering a layoff is not only realizing that these
emotions may sprout up, but also knowing how to deal with them, say job
counselors. "People need to
understand that this is an extremely emotional experience," says Damian
Birkel, founder of Professionals in Transition, a nonprofit support group for
job seekers based in Winston-Salem, N.C. "You need to give yourself time
and space and the privacy to go through the process and look at what's
happened to you to kind of adjust and recuperate." Ideally, most employees
should not hit the shock phase, but they do. Employment counselors say by
realistically looking at trends in their industry, the economy and what's
happening in your company, workers should be able to see the writing on the
wall when it comes to layoffs. "You should know how
your company is doing and how you stack up," says Bernadette Kenny,
executive vice president of global outplacement and career services at
placement firm Lee Hecht and Harrison. Being excluded from meetings or
ignored by management are two signs that you may be on the outs, she says. The Angry
Phase When shock quickly turns
to anger, don't give in to the temptation of speaking out. The world is
smaller than you think, says Kenny, and what you say about a former employer
can easily get back to them via the rumor mill. Instead, try to funnel
that anger into more positive avenues. Birkel says exercising during this
crucial stage is key to venting your anger. Focus your energy on evaluating
your life, work, and where you want to go from here, adds Laurence J. Stybel,
founding partner of Boston-based consulting firm Stybel-Peabody Lincolnshire.
"My clients who are
in that [angry] mindset are in a mode to do an aggressive job search,"
says Stybel. "When it can be channeled in that way, it's really
terrific." However, experts caution
job seekers to think before they act. Don't just jump right into a new
position without thinking about whether or not it's really right for you,
warns Stybel. In the same vein,
counselors say job seekers should be selective when deciding who to tell
they've been laid off. Family and close friends should be told, but before
telling everyone in your industry, first step back and see whether or not
that person is really a gatekeeper to where you want to go. "Look at the target
network person and think, 'What could that person do for me?'" says
Kenny. "Have that prepared before you talk to them. Otherwise, you're
wasting a good networking opportunity." Let's
Make a Deal The next common stage,
bargaining, occurs when the unemployed berates himself, thinking that he could
have done something to save his job, and that if he only found another job he
would do better. Birkel says it's a common trap: People think a job savior is
going to come by and offer them a fabulous job opportunity. The way to get out of
this mindset is to accept responsibility for your job search and your future
and to quit hoping for a chance opportunity that may never come, says Birkel.
When that realization
does set in and the job offers still aren't coming, what often follows is
depression. One of the most devastating stages in the job loss process,
depression can eat away at people's self-esteem, tear apart their families
and make them feel hopeless about their future. Depression is never an
easy beast to slay, but there are some strategies to at least keep it in
check. Establishing a daily routine, where you have set hours dedicated to
the job search and set hours dedicated to other pursuits like hobbies or
spending time with your family and friends, can help. Doing volunteer work for
people less fortunate can also help keep your situation in perspective, while
exercise can be a mood elevator. Above all else, experts
say, don't take a layoff personally. Remember that everyone goes through it
at some point or another. The old adage that it takes a lot of nos to get to
yes was never truer than when you're looking for a job. |
